Love should never hurt… it can hurt mental and it can hurt physically but neither of these is not ok. Have you been in an abusive relationship? I have twice and this is something that I have not spoken about because I am not proud of being in this situation not once but twice. But today here is my truth about these two past relationships.
First, I was young, and don’t get me wrong I am not making any excuses, but that Teena then is not the Teena now. The first abusive relationship was with my first “real boyfriend”. There was nothing you could say about him that would make me look at him any different. I was in “LOVE” or at least what I thought love was. Our relationship was good, we clicked immediately and next thing you know we were inseparable. We spent all of our time together and next thing you know we are basically living together but we are really young.
I started finding out that he was cheating on me or should I say my friends were telling me that he was cheating on me and I didn’t believe them. Time went on and then things began to get weird in our relationship. We were arguing all the time and he got to a place he didn’t want me hanging out with any of my friends (I guess because of what they were telling me) and he began to isolate me. We would get into arguments and then next thing you know it turns into a physical fight.
Now I am not totally innocent in this matter because there were times where I may have laid hands first but either way it’s not a healthy relationship. A relationship should never be one that hurts physically or mentally. I eventually got out of this relationship but the funniest part about me being done with this relationship is when we broke up I broke it off with him and we were actually in a good place. We had been in a good place for months. I think I just woke up one morning and realize this was not my life.
Fast forward 4 years later I get into a relationship with this guy. Now I have had one serious relationship prior to this one but I was in a very venerable state of mind. I just recently moved to this state and I find myself in a compromising situation because all of my family lived 1000s of miles away. Now again I am not making any excuses for myself but I had nowhere to go. He would constantly remind me of this any chance he got.
This relationship was not only physically but was mentally abusive as well. My boyfriend would say things about my upbringing. Making me feel less of a person because my parents never struggled, at least as a child I didn’t see it. He would tell me I acted like I was better than him because I was in college too. He would get upset with me if he asked me for money and I tell him I didn’t have it. This man would belittle me and make me feel worthless. One time I tried to leave and he took my phone and car keys and hid them from me. I waited until he went to sleep and looked everywhere for my stuff with no success.
Just as I had had enough with the previous relationship I did with this one too. We were in a good space, but I had pulled away, withdrew from the relationship, and he knew it. Next thing you know one day I just ended it. I have not told this story to many. I’m telling my truth! I know I am not the only one that has been in an abusive relationship.
When you are going through this you don’t want to talk to anyone about what’s going on. I know for me I was not worried about them I was worried about what people would think or say about me. Oh, she weak who would be with someone abusive like that? She’s stupid, why doesn’t she just leave? These are things I did not want to hear at the time going through this mess.
It is still not anything that I talk about much but I feel like there are a lot of women out there going through just what I went through.
We as women need to stop being so judgmental. Don’t be so quick to say what you will or wouldn’t do. You don’t know until it happens to you. We all have our limits and we all have these issues that we say if they were a part of your relationship you would not stand for it. I said the same thing until it became my truth.
Abuse of any kind is not ok here are some resources if you need any help.
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